By ED Royanne Doi
When my Dad passed away in 2011, it was a tough year. I focused on how my mother would navigate life without him. I didn’t have time for my own grief. When my mom passed in 2018, it was harder. Suddenly, there was no one between me and death. There was a subtle shift in family roles.
Someone gave me a book called “The Orphaned Adult” by Alexander Levy. It gave me special insight into understanding that being an adult without parents is a unique grieving experience. The book has stories about people making big decisions in their lives – once parental approval is no longer necessary or available. It helped me to understand with compassion how my younger sister may be experiencing the loss of our mother is a totally different way.
I also received “The Mourner’s Bill of Rights” by Alan Wolfelt, PH.D., which introduced the idea of a “grief attack – sometimes, out of nowhere, a powerful surge of grief may overcome you. This can be frightening, but is normal and natural.”
I remember smelling a cologne that my dad used to use in a super crowded subway car in Japan. I burst into tears. Knowing this was just another “grief attack” made it easier for me to handle the moment.
National Grief Awareness Day, August 30th is a day to raise awareness that everyone copes with loss differently and for us to foster empathy, compassion, and support, creating a society that embraces and honours the grief of individuals and communities. If you are struggling with grief and loss, TELL provides professional support for families, couples or individuals through our Clinic, and our Lifeline Support Workers are there to listen every day of the year.